Tags: blog, film, sci-fi, action, 2026
Author: KickingK
Date: Tuesday June 23rd, 2026
Lone Wolf and Chub
I’ve just watched a bunch of middle aged men play with their Kenner Star Wars toys for two hours.
I wouldn’t mind if I’d watched a bunch of five year old kids play with their toys for two hours, at least that way it would have gone a bit bat-shit crazy. Had that spark of unfettered imagination that all kids have that makes them see stuff from weird angles and then mash them together with other weird stuff.
Nothing of the sort here. No wit, no spark, nothing memorable. I’d forgotten the first half of the movie by the time I’d got to the second half.
The plot of the film is that thing A happens, then thing B, followed by C, then D, we go back to C for a bit before moving on to E and then and then and then and then after five hours I check my watch and only forty minutes have passed.
The worst crime of this film is that the film makers don't care about Grogu and Mando. During the course of this film we learn nothing about either of them. Nothing is revealed about their past or their future. We learn nothing about their characters or their personalities. Nobody gets to to grow, to learn, to have to face up to uncomfortable truths. There is not a single character arc in the whole film.
The Mandolorian is a guy in a metal suit who shoots people. Grogu is a green alien baby who eats grubs and moves things. That is literally it. You could swap them for absolutely any other similar character you can think of and it wouldn't make a jot of difference to this film.
The visual aesthetic is nostalgia for the XBox 360 era of murky, grey-brown sludge. Having not a single piece of flair in the whole film, it is quite possible the most visually uninteresting sci-fi film I’ve ever seen.
Ludwig Gorannsenn tries his best, re comprising his magnificent score from the tv show, giving everything to try to elevate the story. But he’s got nothing to work with. You can neither polish a turd, nor inject any joie de vivre into something this dull and base.
I can see die hard fans of the tv series getting some enjoyment out of this. It's basically a filler episode of the tv series dragged out past the two hour mark and for some that'll probably be enough. But why bother spending time watching this when you could just ask ChatGPT to describe it to you? It'll leave the same mark on your soul.
I came out of the film humming the theme tune and then saw an urban fox.
So not a total waste of an evening.
