Tags: blog, film, action, 2025
Author: KickingK
Date: Sunday November 23rd, 2025
Clean up in aisle six
The janitor of a Japanese high school is actually a yakuza assassin sent there to look out for his boss’ daughter. When her dad is killed, she becomes a target, with every other assassin in the area converging on the school to capture her.
Good lord this is bad. The first half of the film is interminable. Actors playing character-less characters monologue their way through scene after tedious scene. A decent script writer would have blitzed through this in ten minutes before getting straight to the action. Sadly, this does not have a decent writer so it takes almost an hour.
But once the action starts it picks up, right? God no. Each assassin turns up, does their bit and is despatched.
There’s no sense of geography, no sense of place, no sense of escalation or threat.
The fight scenes are terrible. Stunt men throw endless haymakers at each other, throwing in the occasional kick, filling up their allotted time before we can move onto to the next bunch of fist-fodder.
The music is some of the worst I’ve ever heard in a film. It’s the same off-the-shelf dramatic music used in cheap-shit reality game-shows, pasted over each scene without care or thought. By the end of the film it had given me a headache.
The single glint of light in the whole film is the first appearance of the Baby Assassins. It’s easy to see why they gave them their own film as, in the staggeringly brief time they’re on screen, they completely sideline the main story.
If you’re a Baby Assassins completist: watch this but skip every scene they’re not in (almost the entire film, basically), you’ll miss nothing.
For everyone else: avoid, avoid, avoid.
